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Defining Roles In A Marriage

marriage-counselingWhen you get married, you have to adjust to share your life with someone else. You no longer take care of the bills and housework for just yourself. You have to find a way to share those obligations with someone else. By defining roles in a marriage early on, you can avoid a lot of issues in the future. Here are some tips to help you define your role in your marriage.

Play To Each Other’s Strengths

If there is something that your partner is clearly better at than you are, come to an agreement about that person taking on that responsibility. For instance, if you only want to have one breadwinner in the house, you might make that the person who makes better money, likes to work more, or has the best long-term earning potential. If one of you is good with money, you might have that person pay bills and keep up with the bank accounts. Play to each other’s strengths to make your workloads as easy as possible.

Distribute The Load Evenly

Under the wrong setup, one partner may feel underappreciated or overworked if he or she takes on more than a fair share of responsibilities. You need to make sure there is some equality in the relationship. There will still be times when each of you feels underappreciated in some way, but this will become even worse if one person is doing it all. A classic setup would involve a working parent and a stay at home parent. One takes care of the money and the other takes care of the family. Everyone feels even in the end.

Ignore Societal Standards

You don’t have to fit the role that society tries to assign you. If you’re a woman, you don’t have to stay at home with the kids. If you’re a man, you don’t have to slave away all day to provide for your family. Role reversals are becoming more and more normal these days, so you might as well embrace them. Find what works best for you and let society deal with the consequences.

Be Open About Your Roles

Don’t automatically assume that your partner will uphold a certain responsibility in your marriage. Talk about this in great detail so you both understand what your roles are. It may take some sacrifices and negotiation, but it will lead to the best results in the end.


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