Many couples wait too long before they opt for couples counseling. They enter therapy as the last resort only after allowing the malignancy of hurt, resentment, and bickering to mature for years on end. These are the instances that leave even seasoned counselors frustrated.
And the saddening part is they hope two to three sessions are enough for a counselor to treat a malady that has grown over decades and years. In most such cases, these relationships go beyond the realms of couples counseling and the tumor festered beyond any repair.
On the other hand, the initiative to heal an embittered and disillusioned relationship must happen inside the soul of the relationship where a counselor essentially plays the role of a mediator. However, many are really not interested about undertaking that extensive work demanded by a troubled relationship. They are too far gone to even bother about healing.
There are way too many examples around us that will help us take a closer look at failed marriages where the sweet love has ultimately turn sour. But confusing failed marriages only with divorce is not inclusive enough.
There are many couples around us who cannot afford a divorce for various reasons and feed on the process of resentment that ultimately leads to comprehensive unhappiness for the couple and the children involved in the process. The conundrum is only more complicated with children – a cold marriage might damage their emotional growth irreparably and a separation might lead to pain and loneliness.
The solution must begin within the relationship and it starts with healthy communication. Communication is NOT self-expression, mind you. It is definitely not words of anger and hurt that actually stings, cuts, and eventually scars. Communication is in fact about listening.
This requires listening intently enough to your partner for you to empathize with them and understand where they are exactly coming from, even if you disagree with them. In some cases, mounting egos of both partners and loss of perspectives take a toll on the relationship.
Couples counseling is no easy job – it entails structuring the levels of communication in the relationship, upholding individual personality styles, the couple’s personal needs as well as the ‘we’ needs, attempting to find out any unconscious or unstated agendas on their parts – all the while trying to find equilibrium in the relationship. Sometimes these can topple even the counselor where he is like a deer caught in the headlights.
The couple must make an extra effort at healing the core problems of the relationship instead of letting it aggravate forever.
Call Metro Detroit Counseling at (248) 269-9783