Intimate relationships come with a multitude of differences in opinions, actions, and perception. Whenever two people clash personalities, mental traps and lockdowns are a common element, and underlying factor of arguments. By developing a more calm and composed approach to handling these problems, you can make the steps towards more positive resolution.
Aggressively pointing out your partner’s flaws never leads to a constructive response. Rather than pushing your relationship to this breaking point, work on developing clearer and fairer approaches to work through problems. When you truly take the time to compose yourself and communication, you will see more favorable outcomes. Here are a few common traps couples fall into and solutions for healthier communication:
- Compliance: If everyone did everything you ever wanted, you’d eventually grow bored and resentful. Believe it or not, it is easy to become upset with yourself, by impressing needs and expecting instant outcomes on your partner. It is unreasonable to expect that your partner will be able to meet your every demand, and it’s important to learn how to be more flexible when this happens. Rather than insist or become exasperated when things don’t pan out, express your concern in a more passive tone. Explaining how you prefer certain thing to happen, rather than demanding, can lead to more mutual resolutions.
- Blanket Statements: You may think that being direct and to the point is the best way to get your idea across. However, your tone may be coming across as harsh or cold, blanketing ideas or perceptions too simply, and therefore leading to more complicated assumptions. For example, rather than stating, “I can’t stand your behavior,” find the underlying problem and rephrase your statement with a more specific approach. Phrases such as, “I don’t like how recklessly you act around your friends,” will get to the point much faster than assuming that all ‘behavior’s’ are bothersome.
- Indifference: Similar to blanket statements, not being specific enough can often lead to more arguments and problems. By not addressing an issue directly, you are leaving your partner with more questions, and possibly assuming that you don’t even know what you were initially mad about at all. Words such as “it,” can be too vague and won’t lead to concrete resolutions. Being specific will typically yield faster and better results.
- Creating A Crisis: Whenever we feel a lack of attention from our partners, we are more susceptible to creating problems. Regardless of positive or negative, our emotions feed on reactions. Placing blame on your partner for whatever you are lacking, will immediately create a defensive wall for both parties. Take responsibility for what you desire by being distinct about your desires and wants.